I create Angels.
Melisande

Delusions


ankh
ankh
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ankh

Odysée Of The Empty Pen

My pen doesn't write.
I see the ink, but it is empty -
hysterical emptiness...
My thoughts won't come out!
I am stuck in ink.
The thoughts swirl, begging to be released,
threatning exothermic explosions
but trapped - not enough energy.
The process stops, uncontrolled -
energy alert!!!
But how do I get enough energy to release the
rainbows in my head -
floating, flying, crying in my head...?
Maybe flying colors can't be written with
a colorless pen...
boredom's cruel victory comes close -
very close... how do I stop it?
grey colorless black eats me -
I run and scream: The pen is dead!
What will I do?!
the pressure is high...
My head is full, but my pen is empty!
no hope will ever relieve my pain -
this neverending headache
that keeps me awake forever...
What should I do - what can I do?
Stop asking those questions!
This rythm in my head is driving me crazy -
insane
Well if the pen is useless...

HOW 'BOUT USING A CRAYON?



A two-minded poem

invented by Alessia and Sonja

copyright 1994

Two Poems

1.
I don't feel anything
I am empty
my heart is mute
no more butterflies
my stomach calmed down.

I came down from the
heights.
all of a sudden
the flight was over
I landed
back on steady ground

no more danger
but I landed in the desert
with no destination

where am I going?
what is my goal?
or am I just waiting
in the airport
for my connection
to paradise?



2.
coming down from the mountains
fast and sudden
like lightning.

it was the end of the day
the magical time between
life and death
twilight crawling up the beach
brutally and unstopable.

the wind is taking you
away from my side
blows you out
into the deep darkness of the city.

and I am standing alone on the beach
watching the waves in the storm
rolling desperately to reach land
falling back lonely.

I miss you.

and the storm gains force
it is wild
and I can't control it.

one tear rolls down my soul
as I think of you
the storm reminds me of you.

I laugh
I dance as it starts raining
softly slowing down the wind.
ankh
ankh
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A cyclus of three poems:

1.

THE END
it's over
finally -
I left everything.
now slowly realizing
while walking down
this neverending pathway
through the starring crowd
THAT I LEFT -
I am alone,
lost!

strange thoughts capture my mind,
fear crawls into my soul.

one year
seems like eternity
maybe it is eternity?

...reaching my seat,
I sit down.
I am looking out of the window
there!
on the terrace
waving hands -
they can't see me.
the distance is too far

already...



2.

a new start

the beginning was tough,
and it was hard to leave
the former warmth and safety,
to jump into the cold river of life -

with ist far away banks.
out there - far beyond your reach -
and the horizon is fleeing from you.

there are you -
thrown into this deep cold water
insecure and easily hurt,
with no ground
and no reliance than yourself.

there are you -
left
to find your own way
back to the sea,
while the water's dark melody is playing in your soul.

when the mists lie over the water,
the whole world vanishes
into one feeling of fear.
the shadows of the trees
out there grow darker and
gloomier.




3.

IN THE GROVE

sometimes
in a silent night,
you can hear nothing -
but the light whistling of the wind,
among the trees.

then
as you listen -
for a long time...
a short, quiet sound
may reach your ear,
lighter -
than the whispering of the trees.

can you hear it - ?
from time to time,
lonely and forgotten
-left!
in the gloomy grove out there.

did you ever -
try to find out
who cried out for your help,
out in the woods?
did you ever
go out to help somebody?

lost
in this dark labyrinth of trees
in the middle of mankind
needing you -
just you...

snowfall

silence reigns the mountains
an occasional noise breaks the ban
crippled trees along its way

millions of crystals cover the land
a single colored quilt
shaping a new world until the sun

only shadows haunt the silence
death
in endless shades of white

the circle closes
ankh
ankh
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ankh
meeting you

grasping the air
words
stumble into hollow phrases

I fall, a tear
unnoticed

the ceiling circles my eyes cravingly
and world is a faraway place

- a touch
I stare at a face
meaningless now

my heart only feels
the empty pain
as you become grey laughter around me.
ankh
ankh
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Erinnerung

Vor mir die verlassnen Gärten
- ein leerer Brunnen -
erinnernd an alte Zeiten.
Wo einst sprudelnd Wasser floß
- zu Zeiten höchsten Glücks -
wächst nun Moos.
Verhüllend des Marmors Risse,
deckt die alten Wunden zu.






Ende

      irrend im labyrinth des lebens bis zum tod
      nie den ausgang findend - eingesperrt
      ein augenblick vergeht im nichts der ewigkeit
      der tod geht vorüber, erlösend










allein

nachdenklich verschwimmende Farbklänge
erfüllen die Umgebung
ein Hauch von Erkennen weht vorüber
schon vorbei - verloren







Licht

grell reflektiertes Licht
grausame Helligkeit in den Augen brennend -
weiß
erhellt jeden Schatten
drinkt staubgleich in den letzten Winkel, in jedes Versteck
DU schließt mühsam die Augen,
doch immer noch spürst DU es - gleich körperlichem Schmerz
mit unendlichem GLeichklang
ohne Ende
es durchleuchtet DICH - DEIN Inneres legt es bloß
DU stehst
wie auf einer Plattform
völlig alleingelassen in der Einsamkeit
allen schonungslosen Blicken ausgesetzt, aller Neugier
die DICH verschlingt
wehrlos
und kein Ende bringt die Erlösung!

Haikus

angst

düster und dunkel
ragt er über uns hinaus
beobachtet uns


entladung

drückend feuchte Luft
aufatmend erste Blitze
wohltuend Regen


abend

Sonnenuntergang
blutroter düstrer Himmel
versinkend im Nichts


morgen

leis - erste Strahlen
zeigen sich am Horizont
sacht kommt der Tag
ankh
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old house

the ruins of the old house
there on the hill
stand lonely and forgotten
stones are breaking and cracking
falling
falling
falling apart
lost in their history
burnt down
built up
destroyed
rebuilt
bombed
ruins smoking
still no memories
life left
a long time ago
birds and insects
animals
find their way
come back
once in a while
greeting shortly
speechless
meaningless
there is no sense, nothing left
on the hill than
PAST.
ankh
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Einsamkeit

Wind, fast Sturm
wühlt das Meer auf
weißsprühende Gischt
schäumt zwischen Felsen
Nebel verdeckt die Sicht
schluckt jeglichen Laut
jeder Schatten -
unendlich weit fort.







nach Hause

ich will nach Hause
durch die graue Tür ins Freie gehen
in den hellen Sonnenschein

aus der grauen Langeweile hinaus
aus dem Einerleilevel in die Freiheit
um zu singen um zu tanzen um zu schreien

aus dem Chaos ohne Sinn in die Grenzenlosigkeit
in die Grenzenlosigkeit der Welt da draussen
ich will nach Hause
nur weg von hier
von sabbelnder Monotonie verfolgt -
weg von hier
denn zu Hause ist es -

besser! besser -

von Sonja Pieper
uns Sebastian Sicheneder

Heartbreaker
in memoriam BART

was soll das alles
ich versteh die welt nicht mehr
überhaupt nicht
und es tut weh
alles nur für nichts am ende
ich versteh die welt nicht mehr
alles dreht sich
und ich verliere die kontrolle
traurigerweise

ich glaube es nicht
aber es ist wahr
hated in love
nah beieinander
life and death
gebrochene herzen dazwischen
liebeskummer
erfüllt die welt
mit schweren tränen
die keiner sehen darf
I learned to hide feelings

FUCK YOU!
I don't want you
I love you
YOU JERK
I want you so bad
GET LOST please come back
YOU DAMN ASSHOLE
I want to be with you
I'd kill myself
ich hätte es nie geglaubt
bis -

ich möchte jegliche erinnerung
auslöschen
abtöten
die wunde desinfizieren
I gotta get rid of this deadly virus
called love
the only thing it does - is hurt me
aus allen möglichen gründen
inmitten des chaos
ein einsamer hoffnungsfunke
waiting for fuel
hoping forever
I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOU

I am caught and I cannot get out
get out of my sight
so my world can heal
and stop the flying dreamcolors
before they crash
ich versteh die welt nicht mehr
einsam
verlassen
schmerzend
tödlich, mit tausend abgründen und gräben
hineinfallen ist so einfach
alles so grau - totgrau

and I try to forget
I try hard
but your look
the sound of your voice
one thought
brings the fucking universe back into my world
my hell
destroys everything
damn you

and magic is just a game
high noon
tight afternoon
sleep well tonight
I feel sorry for you and pity for me
I love you

FLORIDA '94
ankh
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Conscious of Life

As days go down the river of eternity
I am standing at the shore, watching my life pass.
Dawn is long gone by I am still standing here
- on the banks of the world.
The sun has risen high, has torn the veil of clouds before my eyes.
Despite all wisdom I am still lingering
Afraid to let go of myself.

I am waiting, just like the rest of the crowd
While the winds mourn us,
And the cold air cuts through us, dividing me and you.

I believe to be different to protect myself,
I think I know better though
The looks that burn my false pride weaken me slowly.

My deeds have caught me in the neverending wheel of life,
Where fate is torturing me patiently
- from dawn to dusk.
At night dreams of you are haunting me,
Condemning me to sleepless mourning.

I should force myself, I know.
I should go out to seek the danger I am avoiding.
It isn't danger, it is the fear of NO.

      TOD

      langsam fließt Schwarz ins Meer -
      kalt und grausam wacht der Mond
      über dem unendlichen Ozean
      der wehrlos klagen muß
      Tränen gefrieren eisblau
      aus Tiefen aufsteigend, untergehend
      ungekannt und ungesehen
      umspült Trauer die sterbenden Felsen
      einsam, drohend vor dem Himmel
      erstickend in schwarzen Schatten
      Zeit läßt Ewigkeit verstreichen
      gequält ein letzter Todesschrei
      aus dunklem Grab
      - eine Warnung
      ungehört im Nichts verhallend.
ankh
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America

you talk positive, you talk great
long hours, on and on
you are so good, no good; you couldn't hurt
any one.
you would never do THAT, so sensibel and considerate
that is you, you are perfect -
ionnist?
we fall for it and we love you.

how come you make me cry all the time?

you are so open-minded
open for all who come for your help
but you meet your quotas
you are so correct
that is protection of your cultural relations
we are all racists
struggling to please you
the surface is all you see, all you notice
you are so damn self-centered.

peacemaker of the world - nice title!
you enter every war making it worse.
can't say NO to yourself
mess around with everyone else'S affairs
you get enough attention when you mourn your dead
well they're gone, the problem
is still here!

you are so great and you know it.
you can accuse others of
suppressing democracy; they are anti-democractic
you are anti-everything
no war is as violent as you are
!

you pretend you know me and you make yourself believe
NOT ME. NOT.
you determine what I do. drug yourself with control
of my life
- so what
when I say NO.?

of course you
will have an answer
I can't stand criticism!
oh really?
positivism is negative and I care a
fucking shit
you congratulate everyone
but me.
to hell with it - I am so bad.

you do what you want, always
sometimes I am grown up, you treat me that way
I am still a child that is hurting when
you yell across the ocean of loneliness
I am so bad - but I am happy!

I can live that way -
just leave me alone.


My friends



        walking amongst a crowd of strangers
        I dare notice a familiar face
        a smile appears on my lips, saying hi
        quietly
        shy
        aren't you gonna answer?

        remember yesterday?
        when we were friends. we talked. we were so close.

        I trusted you.
        today I find you were just using me
        while I believed
        in friendship
        and a little selflessness

        I am an idealist
        you
        are an opportunist
        do we cancel each other?
        I believe
        you try hard
        avoiding your own evil prophecies, are you?

        the illness - I am afraid so - is incurable!

        I would have done anything but the impossible
        now you
        committed treason
        calling me a traitor, where you truly are
        the hidden renegade
        I pity you.
        I try to - at least.
        To save myself from being disappointed by
        a flying mood once more.
        trying not to hate.

        get out of the circle!
        it is my fault that things never change
        people don't change
        I should have known
        well
        then I will change
        to other people
        new friends
        find new hope
        I will find them.
        loneliness is cruel and unnecessary

        being just a peripheral asteroid in your spheres
        I'll vanish in a black hole.
        somewhere in eternity I will
        disappear
        amongst the crowd of strangers
        until I see another familiar face
        creeping towards me
        to crush me under neglection

        just until someone recognizes me
ankh
ankh
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        Emptiness

                Another day
                Another hour
                Alone

                I am thinking
                I am drinking
                I cannot stop

                Time
                Goes By
                So Evermore
                - Slowly

                You are my
                Angel

                Wake me up
                From this
                Night

                From this Dream
                That
                I do not dream.